Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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