somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
