Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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