You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
