saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
