I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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