I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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