All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i already hear my dad disowning me
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
