u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
