You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
third nipple confirmed
don't judge my taste in strippers
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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