Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
