see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
being pregnant is like rehab
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
