I think im going to throw up on grandma
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
