I should be sponsored by Trojan
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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