Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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