got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
