You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
