I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
