I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You are a genius and a whore.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
