Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
