I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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