are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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