I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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