k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
