Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Everclear isn't food dammit
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
