So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I take back everything I said about communal showers
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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