her vagine was all disorganized.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
