We're like a lot better than the average bears
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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