Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
