Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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