saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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