Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
