His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
