That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
