Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
