well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
