need another drink. this is the easiest way
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
