you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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