Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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