dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
