Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize