I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
