So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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