so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
