So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
