So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
The uberlube is also flammable
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
