im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
