I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
