Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
