So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
