do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
