I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
