Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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