I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Randomize
