did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
