bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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