one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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