Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
