If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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