I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
