I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
