So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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