Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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