i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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