if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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