1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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