So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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