he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
