Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
