Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
