All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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