I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
