my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
