you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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