my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
