There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
