I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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