Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Randomize
