remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize