i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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