WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
