We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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