he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
