so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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