So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Randomize
