do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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